I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in