A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
The only downside is I can't stop skipping