A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO