He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.