i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.