I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
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There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.