i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
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dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
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Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.