Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.