She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?