He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
A+ Viking dick
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.