I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?