Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
A+ Viking dick
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins