I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.