Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (310)

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  If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave

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  (310): If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave http://tfl.nu/1hv2
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  What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.

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  (310): What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business. http://tfl.nu/a4r2
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  thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.

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  (310): thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones. http://tfl.nu/qrwe
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  I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.

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  (310): I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl. http://tfl.nu/jncu
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  i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20

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  (310): i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20 http://tfl.nu/ve2e
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  I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"

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  (310): I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine" http://tfl.nu/hod3
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  If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.

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  (310): If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me. http://tfl.nu/jaom
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  Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing

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  (310): Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing http://tfl.nu/gwvn
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  Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.

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  (310): Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me. http://tfl.nu/c54s
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  Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.

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  (310): Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds. http://tfl.nu/m30n
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  Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests

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  (310): Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests http://tfl.nu/hq9w
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  I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'

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  (310): I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly' http://tfl.nu/92zu
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  I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.

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  (310): I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there. http://tfl.nu/gafs
  Replies (3) Good night (794) Bad night (240)
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  Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year

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  (310): Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year http://tfl.nu/x1ad
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  Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).

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  (310): Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok). http://tfl.nu/yawu
  Replies (2) Good night (746) Bad night (238)