Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Follow @tfln