note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?