Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (310)

Last Night in California (310)

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My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.

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(310): My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick. http://tfl.nu/xvdr

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The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear

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We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.

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(310): The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear (310): We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics. http://tfl.nu/35z2

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Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.

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(310): Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity. http://tfl.nu/wgjy

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I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass

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(310): I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass http://tfl.nu/6152

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Ambien. No doubt about it.

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(310) Ambien. No doubt about it. http://tfl.nu/jq44

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So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.

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(310): So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1. http://tfl.nu/ef5h

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I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set

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(310): I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set http://tfl.nu/e5hl

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This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?

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(310): This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married? http://tfl.nu/80xb

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Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12

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(310): Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12 http://tfl.nu/ovmd

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My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.

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(310): My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever. http://tfl.nu/d22o

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Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.

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(310): Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes. http://tfl.nu/zngo

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I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.

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(310): I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated. http://tfl.nu/zxsm

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That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch

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(310): That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch http://tfl.nu/7p4s

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Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls

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(310): Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls http://tfl.nu/xuj7

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Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.

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(310): Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it. http://tfl.nu/jpod

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Last Night in California (310)

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