Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.