Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts