Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I need moral support for this bender
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Follow @tfln
Cracked IndieClick Humor