Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
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yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?