Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.