You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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