All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My ATM looks so different sober.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
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she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner