Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
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It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.