How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.