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because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
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