I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around