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Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
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