Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (609)

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.

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  (609): so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton. http://tfl.nu/aawl
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.

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  (609): ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise. http://tfl.nu/slpx
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Your mouth is God's brothel.

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  (609): Your mouth is God's brothel. http://tfl.nu/epk5
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City

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  (609): Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City http://tfl.nu/hsks
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Being persistent has its perks my friend.

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  (609): I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking. (215): Being persistent has its perks my friend. http://tfl.nu/wzcm
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  Why?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."

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  (609): My professor just gave us a margarita recipe. (1-609): Why? (609): Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life." http://tfl.nu/ong0
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.

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  (609): YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS (443): I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO. http://tfl.nu/tc5m
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps

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  (609): Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps http://tfl.nu/8xhn
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.

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  (609): ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked. http://tfl.nu/ufr2
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  well that was a long night...

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on

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  (908): well that was a long night... (609): dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened? (908): no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on http://tfl.nu/y1mz
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions

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  (609): Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles? (1-609): In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions http://tfl.nu/67pw
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.

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  (609): Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him. http://tfl.nu/6jaw
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  sounds about right

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  (215): judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend. (609): sounds about right http://tfl.nu/kfa3
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes

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  (609): The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes http://tfl.nu/oauk
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