Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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