Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
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I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
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Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities