please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
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She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
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then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.