margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?