Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (540)

Last Night in Virginia (540)

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(540): View more from Virginia

There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.

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(540): There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong. http://tfl.nu/f8bz

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please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.

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(540): please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there. http://tfl.nu/5ny0

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Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried

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(540): Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried http://tfl.nu/qg5l

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I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening

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(540): I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening http://tfl.nu/76la

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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.

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(540): I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher. http://tfl.nu/sltj

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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.

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He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.

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(757): Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min. (540): He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd. http://tfl.nu/sjx0

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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?

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yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.

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(434): do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night? (540): yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you. http://tfl.nu/hqli

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Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)

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awesome babe! drinks tonight!

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Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.

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(703): Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :) (540): awesome babe! drinks tonight! (703): Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck. http://tfl.nu/zccd

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The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.

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(540): The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one. http://tfl.nu/uhr4

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Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back

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(540): Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back http://tfl.nu/kuz3

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I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.

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(540): I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time. http://tfl.nu/t7e6

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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.

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(540): Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man. http://tfl.nu/q2i0

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Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed

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(540): Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed http://tfl.nu/7wu4

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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?

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One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...

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(757): Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something? (540): One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend... http://tfl.nu/ltk8

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I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes

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(540): I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes http://tfl.nu/2t0p

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Last Night in Virginia (540)

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