he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dating After Heartbreak
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.