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when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
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