My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
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just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
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i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous