they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.