That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers