That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers