That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
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Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
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No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers