when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
