Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
