Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.