It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
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Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
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another moral hangover. fuck.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right