It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right