We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
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hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside