Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
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I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.