She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.