I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.