oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.