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The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
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