The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep