Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Boobs speak an international language.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..