Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Boobs speak an international language.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room