Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Boobs speak an international language.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night