I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
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The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
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Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens