Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...