I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
