I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails