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I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
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