I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.