You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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