I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.