Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo