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fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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