I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.