I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You just made me feel so damn special
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it