Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.