update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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