we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.