Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.